Professional Geek By Day, Mom At Night

Im so tired of doing the same thing day in and out. so tired of being in this place i just want to scream and shout.. so tired of dealing with this stress every day. i sat down and started to pray. but it hasnt help i havent found another way.

im tired of being in pain, tired of the cold rain. tired of you telling me what to do. tired of the bull shit lines i get fed. tired of laying down in this bed.

and im tired of writting this..

Her friend who said he would return never did for a long time. So she still walks this road alone. Hoping to find some place or some one she can call her own. Then one day off in the distance she seen her old friend and her new. Walking with them were people she did not agree with. Both babies in her eye and in most. So you left me for this she thought how.. how could you. Was it she wasnt good enough or was she just too old or in her eyes was she not fat enough because she was skinnier then them.

She looked both girls up and down as they did the same to her.. Her heart broke even more.. She ran and ran and ran some more. With tears in her eyes and makeup running down her face, her hair all in shambles and her heart no longer filled with grace.

She was hurt in a more serious way…

The one who she thought showed her the way, said he would change and was sorry for his ways said he would find her again the next day. The next day came and passed.. He didnt show she thinks he is an ass.

Who know what this road will bring.. who knows what shall pass. as there still may be things hidden, Both hidden now and in her past.

Through the years, through all the heart aches and pain, through her sickness
and health, and through friendships that last and go, she was beginning to
find no hope. Just walking down the path of life, and feeling she is getting
nowhere.

And one spring day, she encounters a new face, someone she could relate with
and take them on her way. Someone to listen to her views and grasp at a new
concept of life. She and this new face walked some way, and walked and walked
this life until one fall day.

This day they decided to stop and sit down and take a break. They sat there
and looked into eachothers eyes. She was thinking in her head, please let
this be real and not like the others. Please God by your sweet grace, let us
both finish this race, together.

And something magical occured that night. They showed loved, and said “I love
you” with all their might. And he said its ok, Im not like the others. she
believed in him, and they got back up and walked for a few more days.

Suddenly he stops and looks the other way. Then he starts running in the other
direction as fast as he can. Leaving her alone to just be there and stand.
She is thinking in her head, what is going on, what have I done wrong? She
stands there in the same spot for a few days, he finally returns and he’s
brought a new face.

He turns to her and says “we just cant be, I have found someone knew, Im going
to take the road that leads this other way” She stands there and cries and
asks God why. Why have you done this too me? After days of still standing in
the same spot he left her, she finally dries her tears.

She hears something in the distance what could it be? Was a little bird that
said follow me. So with nothing else left to loose she did, and eventually
found a face she was familiar with. The little bird said “Its ok go follow him”
and thats exactly what she did.

He lead her down this dirt road into the woods. A long and windy road at that.
At the end of the road was this beautiful lake. So quite and peaceful she
forgot that her heart had even ached. He laid her down and made love so sound,
made her realize there could be something more to this life.

And when it was done she sat there and thought. About how perfect it was and
the person she lost could never give her what he did. She forgot about it him
and was in complete bliss. Her heart was only aching because she needed another
kiss.

Later that night they departed just for awhile. As he walked away he said,
“go on its ok, i’ll be back, keep your head up and smile.”

She did run into her lost face that night as well, she ignored him, for the
way he made her felt. She seen his other face and laughed. Thinking Oh My God,
he left me for that? And just then a bird flew from up above, it carried her
a message of love. She read it and turned away, walking and walking and never
looked back…

this is being posted a day late, and to those who know the situation know why..

A year ago today you died,
And mommy and daddy cried.
You would have been 4 months old
Growing strong and bold.

A year ago today, I fell asleep,
and when I woke up, you were not with me

A year ago today, I saw a photo of you in my tummy
So perfect and precious and little

A year ago today you died
and mommy and daddy cried
and at first you may not have understood
but you have been with God now for a year
and he explained it the best he could

I wear a symbol of love on my body
and I wish things could change
But things happen for a reason
and this is one of them

Little one take care, and play with your friends
and remember every year i will think of you until the very end.

Copyright Lizi 2009