Professional Geek By Day, Mom At Night

So i have decided to implement a lupus diary. to track my feelings and symptoms. i have no insurance and do not qualify for medical help. I dont want a hand out of money, I just want someone to understand.

I am a mother of 4 small children. The father is emotionally disturbed and cannot act beyond the level of a 14 year old. So I AM A SINGLE MOTHER. I work a full time job dealing with the ignorance of people and the assholes who don’t want to listen because I am female. The few friends I think I have, I try to distance my self as much as possible because they havent grown up either and I don’t need their stress.

I live in constant pain. It’s not just joint pain, my kidneys hurt the most. I can feel them swell up and push against my back. I constantly urinate blood and when using the ladies room it brings me to even more tears. It brings me to tears as well knowing there is nothing I can do. I have no extra money to go see a doctor. I spend everything I have on my children.

My 5 year old son is acting up. He too may have some kind of mental disability like his father. I cant control him.

Today I made some progress but help is still far away. I found a doctor who’s max payment amount is $35/ visit.. i should qualify for the $10 visit. That appointment isnt until middle of June. So for the next 6 weeks, I shall still suffer with a chance that this doctor cannot help me out.

Today is a 8

So some say you cannot network Windows 7, Vista, and XP. Well they are wrong. Its quite simple. Make sure all computers are on WORKGROUP. not homegroup, not mshome, but WORKGROUP. Vista and XP will be able to see windows 7.. yes… but windows 7 wont be able to see vista or xp..

Windows 7 Work Group Set Up:

Right click “Computer” — > Goto Advanced System Setting — > Click on “Computer Name” Tab At the bottom it says Network ID and Change. Click Change.. the makesure workgroup is checked and it says Workgroup. click apply reboot.

I work in a male dominated field. What gets me is when someone calls asking for tech advice, they ask for one of the guys. And I explain to them that I AM A TECH or THE TECH. They get cocky with me. Also if I just so happen to be up at the front counter when someone walks in and they ask for one of the guys and I am like well you are looking at them.

I had one guy come in the other day. His screen enclosure on his laptop was broke. He explained he had the part and just wanted someone to install it for him. I told him it would be a minimum of and HR charge. He was like well it should only take 15 mins, and one of the techs should be able to do it that quickly. I said Im sorry sir but its going to be at least an hr charge. He treated me like I didnt know what i was doing / talking about. I explained to him I am the tech. He didnt want to believe me. I just nicely said, ok well i’ll put it on the shelf and have whom ever picks it up give you a call with a price quote. I had one of the “guys” call him and they told him the EXACT SAME THING I DID. Minimum of $65.

Just because Im very young, pretty, and FEMALE, doesnt mean im not smart.

Im so tired of doing the same thing day in and out. so tired of being in this place i just want to scream and shout.. so tired of dealing with this stress every day. i sat down and started to pray. but it hasnt help i havent found another way.

im tired of being in pain, tired of the cold rain. tired of you telling me what to do. tired of the bull shit lines i get fed. tired of laying down in this bed.

and im tired of writting this..

Her friend who said he would return never did for a long time. So she still walks this road alone. Hoping to find some place or some one she can call her own. Then one day off in the distance she seen her old friend and her new. Walking with them were people she did not agree with. Both babies in her eye and in most. So you left me for this she thought how.. how could you. Was it she wasnt good enough or was she just too old or in her eyes was she not fat enough because she was skinnier then them.

She looked both girls up and down as they did the same to her.. Her heart broke even more.. She ran and ran and ran some more. With tears in her eyes and makeup running down her face, her hair all in shambles and her heart no longer filled with grace.

She was hurt in a more serious way…

The one who she thought showed her the way, said he would change and was sorry for his ways said he would find her again the next day. The next day came and passed.. He didnt show she thinks he is an ass.

Who know what this road will bring.. who knows what shall pass. as there still may be things hidden, Both hidden now and in her past.